Do the Needful: Alternatives to Willpower

It’s a divisive topic, I’m finding. Some people credit their success to it. Others shame themselves for not providing themselves with it on demand. Others, like me, prefer to steer clear of the whole notion.

The word has become too toxic for me to want to keep in rotation.

For me, “willpower” gives off whiffs of self-righteous rock-ribbed eighteenth-century New England preachers telling everyone they’d better behave, because even if they happen to be among the Elect, if they mess up, they’ll burn in eternal damnation.

I prefer to look at “self-discipline” and “willpower” differently. Same with calling ourselves “lazy” or “undisciplined.” It’s like we’re ganging up on ourselves. With selves like that, who needs enemies?

Is it only quibbling about words? I’d argue there’s power in words, and our word choices can make an impact, on ourselves and on others.

What wants to grow for you, even in an inhospitable setting?
Photo by Jan Canty on Unsplash

Questions to ask

Instead of labeling with restrictive terms, consider asking questions.

How’s my schedule?

Are these time demands realistic? Am I asking myself to accomplish more than is possible? Do I take regular breaks?

What’s necessary?

This one question can be useful for reducing to-do lists and calendar tasks. Things it would be nice to add, or that a former authority figure would have approved of, or that might count toward winning a Nobel – those aren’t necessary, are they? Take them off the list and see what happens. If the sky doesn’t fall, that could be a useful sign.

How’s my sleep?

Am I wandering through the day in a sleep-deprived haze? Does caffeine no longer let me extend my working hours? Do I require more rest than I’m allowing myself?

How’s my balance?

How’s the ratio of my physical activity to quieter kinds of exertion in a given day? And speaking of balance, can I stand on one leg? Can I do it with my eyes closed?

How’s my inner life?

Do I recognize the things I value most in life? Do I adapt my days, weeks, months, and years to that specific reality of mine? This is a big one.

What rituals, routines, and habits do I already have?

Can they help me do the most important things, in a regular way that supports me? Might I want to create a new ritual, routine, or habit? What would the first one be? In what ways will it help me?

Nurture what you love to do

Talking this over with a friend recently, she reminded me of something. In the throes of being busy, we’ve probably all had those moments of sudden recognition: We don’t have the time we would like for the things we care about.

So next, we shoehorn them into an already crammed day, putting pressure even on what we really love to do. When that beloved practice has become a chore on a list, we no longer look forward to it. That’s a real loss. In what ways can you nurture the things you love to do?

Make tasks convenient

Related to the rituals, routines, and habits piece is this idea: Make your life more convenient. I’ve been inclined to do this for many years (and after recently identifying my lifelong neurodivergence, I’ve come to appreciate this even more). Here’s a for instance: I know I need to make an annoying call, so I put the phone number in the calendar entry that will remind me, during business hours, to pick up the phone. Seeing the phone number there makes me that much more likely to just make the damn call.

My friend noted that she finds it invigorating now to get things done when they’re in front of her. She no longer stacks projects up for later. For example, she knows the garden needs watering in the morning. So when she gets up, she dresses for gardening. That way, all she needs to do is drink coffee and get out the door. If it’s time to fix supper, she sets out on the counter the ingredients and tools she’ll need. She’s halfway there already because she’s done the steps that lead her to the path. There’s no real resistance.

Making tasks convenient is a wonderful way to encourage yourself. My friend credits this change in her life for moving her from procrastinating to being proactive. It’s invigorating and uplifting.

Do the needful

That same friend taught me the expression “do the needful.” Isn’t it a good one? It feels timeless and practical in a roll-up-your-sleeves kind of way. Doing the needful feels supportive to me, in a way that exerting willpower, enlisting self-discipline, and avoiding laziness simply do not.

What works for you? Language does matter. What do you want to tell yourself about the ways you use your time? What might you start doing differently, in support of yourself and your values? What words might you use to encourage yourself?

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